My Barbie Was A Stripper

I was discussing childhood games with some acquaintances the other day. I am relieved to discover that I wasn't the only twisted kid out there. Let me take you back to the 1970s and early 80s...

My childhood Barbie doll was a stripper who lived on a cruise ship with Snoopy and Huckleberry Pie. Snoops and Huckleberry slummed in Barbie's Dream Ship cabin while she was at work stripping. She regularly flung her miniature tops and skirts off to a crowd of Teddy Bears, Lego Men and Smurfs. (I'm guessing I was probably really into LOVE BOAT at the time.)

My Barbie Dolls never escaped Extreme Makovers. They had avant garde haircuts and punk make-up. Sometimes they would become handicapped in the process. Typically losing their extremities and heads. ( C'mon now, who hasn't tried to attach Barbie or Ken's head to another doll's leg socket???) Oftentimes they wore dresses made out of toilet paper, ribbon or J Cloths.

Another favorite game was Star Wars. All my friends and I would argue about who got to be Luke Skywalker. In our young minds he had the best part. Inevitably someone would be chosen to be Darth Vader and another poor kid would play the role of Chewbacca. That role sucked. All you got to do was growl and try to act hairy (if you can in fact, mime such a thing.) I never really wanted to be Leia. I thought the Han and Luke had better parts with better lines.

Hide and Seek was so much fun. Especially in my friend Laura's basement. We delighted in terrorizing her little brother and sister pretending we were monsters or ghosts. I never knew such joy could be experienced by popping out from under a Ping Pong table and screaming at a boy called Spiros.

On the flipside, there were some "games" that were not so amusing. Like the time my best friend's little brother chased me around their backyard with a real axe. You've never seen Moofy run so fast. Or when I participated in a foot race against a bicycle and wound up getting run over and chipping my front tooth. OUCH.

I can't believe how fast those years went by. I never thought I'd be nostalgic about playing a Wookie or hiding under a ping pong table at 33.

Clickety Click Barba Trick

I'm sitting here in my office, trying to work and my legs are killing me.
I had a charley horse the other day and ever since then I've been uncomfortable. Shifting, twisting and crossing and uncrossing my legs under my desk isn't helping.

I wish I was Barbapapa.

He could manipulate himself into any amoeba like shape or form.
Think about it. If Barba Papa had a backache or slipped a disk he could just turn himself into an elastic band or something and get all the kinks out himself.

Actually that whole family was gifted. Need an extra chair at dinner? What about a table? No problem just call one of the kids: Barbabravo, Barbabright, Barbazoo, Barbabeau, Barbabelle,Barbalala, and Barbalib!
Barbapapa and Barbamama actually had SEVEN children. I guess if Barbamama was that flexible.......uh nevermind. Anyhoo. I wish the magic Barba words: "Clickety Click
Barba Trick would heal my legs."

The Wonder Twins could also manipulate themselves into different forms with the words, "Wonder Twin Powers ACTIVATE"

Of course one twin could only turn into animals and the other various shapes of water. Now if I was in dire need of a Lion or frozen waterfall I'll call upon them. But I'm not at the moment. Then again, maybe one could turn into a Hot Tub and the other a Gorilla gifted in the art of massage.
As long as it doesn't fling poop at me.